I heal and move on

Spent yesterday in one of the most dark hangovers i've felt in quite sometime. had a fall out with my friend finbar the night before, which was sadly long overdue. In short we are not living up to each others expectation of what it like to be a friend I gave him an ear full. People in the pub told us to be quiet. He took off. It really hurts that I've done this. I do feel regrett, but it is also difficult to continue with the wounds of carrying on a friendship that is long past it's sell by date. If that wasn't enough I also was at a rockabilly club, It I lost it, started telling everybody at the top of my lungs how boring they all where and how unrock and roll it is. I was totaly gased. Things could have gotten out of hand but they didn't. thanks only to the grace of god . The thing is I think through all my collapsed and distorted perception I was picking up the feeling of an even older friend who at times I feel just left me in the dust when I needed him most. He used to go to nights like this, art school openings, goth nights. Things I feel that could often be sexy and mysterious, but a few years ago I realised that thier is very little behind the facade. The styles don't suggest a gate way to a profounder truth it's just style. This as not upset me for a long time, but I guess that I still wish thier was smoething thier. It's only the inside and not externally where these profound truths, and eureaks can be experienced. I forgott that in quite a marked way. I just really want to let go of the past 10 years heal and move on. Lessons learned: I don't know. I think I'd like to check in with a councellor, and see where I'm at. Despite these two deeply unpleasnt experinces. The night was not a total blow out I feel really close to my familly at the moment it was great fun. My parents and my brother are the some of the kindest people on the planet. I'm so lucky